April 2010
The First Entry.
I sit alone at a cold steel table that my father had bought. My cigarettes call me softly in their cardboard cage, so I graciously release one.
I tasted the blue cascading smoke deep in the back of my throat. I imagined a glass of wine in front of me, a candle centered in the table, somebody young, cunning and very beautiful batting her eyelashes at me gingerly after I speak cool, dark words...
it’s never been the strongest of men, it hasn’t ever been the most ruthless of men, but always, as history has proven, it is the people who exist in cooperation and acceptance of truth who have become the most constructive of human beings.
where my feet have stepped today;
“no, i don’t wanna be here. i want to be where there’s grown ups. i want to be around people who have grown up and talk about real things, worry about real problems, discuss real solutions and have real compassion for each other. these people, they aren’t adults. they can’t think for themselves.”
we lie so deep within the quickly expanding universe, we are all such small parts of the ever mysterious cosmic balance. but that’s how we have to be: small. mankind needs to be humiliated, to learn to never fear again. i grow so tired of watching friends collapse under their own weight only to implode into people. not friends, just people. and it’s people who created the stress that...
“Friend chores for French whores.”
– A.O. (via ianismyhero)
we’ve stumbled across something somehow infinite, something we haven’t quite met yet. a different journey entirely from the one we had expected to take, but i loved every minute of this almost-an-experience. sometimes the last drops of bittersweet joy i can savour from the fruit of life drip straight onto my chin, sometimes i am in drought of it. but today, today, i have seen the sun...
my dried eyes have never seen a different sky. along the road as i was walking staring back into that sky, i felt the eyes of mankind fall down around me. everything was in focus but myself. i fell. the instant my knees hit earth the same cursing, the same ignorant, the same carelessly blank sky stared back and for the first time, i thought my shoulders could almost be lifted, i could finally see...
GOD SHOULD BE CHARGED WITH POSSESSION.
ruby magic- portugal. the man
"TIME IS AN INANIMATE OBJECT."
"the knots are tied too tight to hold"- erak.
there’s always a bitch on the doorstep not willing to pack up and leave, and you all know it’s truer than true. right when the boat’s about to set sail, she’s there- waiving her hanker chief in the air like a concerned mother making sure her son is ready to go off to war. well you know what? let the ship sail. and if you have to, let the ship sink. let loose of the ropes....
i know what i want but not what i am,
so i guess i’ll just sit here and wait for it to hit me.
